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The journey so far – Part 1 – First conversations

This journey began with a Facebook post. On May 4, 2018 (May the Fourth be with you), I was scrolling through my newsfeed when I saw Whitney’s post:


Someone asked what the process was. Whitney responded that the carrier needed to be under 50, already had a pregnancy, and had less than three c-sections. The first step would be to have a conversation with Whitney and her husband Rob. Next is a conversation with a counselor and a lawyer. Then the transfer process starts: the carrier would take hormones to make the uterus act as though it were five days pregnant. Then a single five day old embryo would be transferred.

I asked her what her thoughts were on homebirth, as it’s something that I am very passionate about. She responded that she was alright with it, provided there are no complications and it is overseen by a midwife. As soon as I read her response, I sent her the following message: “Hey, Whitney! I would be interested in talking more with you and Rob. I’m pretty certain that Jesse and I are done have children of our own, but I seem to be hyper fertile and have considered the possibility of being a surrogate.”

So we set up a time to video chat, since we live about 90 minutes apart and both live busy lives (plus gas is stupid expensive). We chatted for about 45 minutes, catching up and having her answer all of my questions. I told her my birth stories and was upfront about my struggle with postpartum depression. I asked her a bit more specifically about her feelings towards home birth, as it’s still considered taboo by most of the medical world. I explained that I had worked with a midwife (while I believe that unassisted birth can be incredible and perfectly safe in a pregnancy and labor that are complication free, I would not be comfortable with it), and my midwife has done surrogacy births before.

Whitney also told me that they were not working with an agency, as agencies tend to be very expensive (she told me they were quoted around $100,000. YIKES). She and Rob were prepared to cover all medical costs after insurance, and they would provide for as many of the costs of pregnancy as possible, including maternity clothes. All of this gets hammered out in conversations with the lawyer. She made it clear that they did not have enough money to provide monetary compensation beyond this because they were denied several grants and loans, and their gofundme hadn’t raised much money.

By the time we were done talking, we both felt REALLY good about everything. We set up a time to have our families meet up so that we could all have a conversation together. That would be a good chance to let Jesse ask his questions, as he was feeling a little weird about the whole idea at the time.

Stay tuned for my next post on our family meeting!

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